As much as we would love to pretend that consent issues around physical relationships were as clear as crystal blue waters by the beach, often they can seem murky and ominous like a dark deep lake. College brings together adults from all walks of life, ready to have a good time and maybe even find love. So, knowing what true consent does and does not look like is paramount to healthy, happy relationships during this transitionary time of life and beyond. The concept of what consent looks like has changed and evolved over time, so first, let’s look at the basics.

Consent 101

(Adapted by Rainn.org’s “What Consent Looks Like” article)

At its basest form, consent in this context is an agreement between individuals to engage in a sexual activity. Consent is most clear when freely communicated, in a verbal affirmative expression to help partners to understand and respect boundaries. Consent isn’t valid when it comes from someone underage, intoxicated, impaired by alcohol or drugs, asleep or unconscious. Consent is also not valid if a person is made to feel pressured, intimidated or threatened if they do not participate. Uneven power dynamics, such as a boss and their employee, can create consent conflicts as well. Consent is all about continuous communication to ensure everyone is comfortable and safe.

In the heat of the moment, it can be easy to forget to periodically check in with your partner to see how they are feeling in that moment. Here are some considerations related around consent to remember and adhere to:

  • Consent is not a one-size-fits-all or carte blanche affair. Consent is needed for every type of intimate activity, every individual time. So, just because someone consented to a sexual encounter at some point in the past, that does not mean that they necessarily give their consent for future sexual contact.
  • A person may be comfortable to participate in one kind of contact, but they may not want to engage in a different kind. For example, a person may agree to make out with someone, but that doesn’t give the other person the right to expect anything further without consent.
  • If at any point you or your partner feel uncomfortable, consent can be withdrawn at any time. This can be conveyed with a verbal conclusion or through non-verbal cues. Communicating with one another, checking in periodically and making sure everyone involved consents is best, especially before escalating or introducing new activities.

Affirmative or Enthusiastic Consent

You might have grown up hearing the popular ‘No means No’ slogan related to the prevention of sexual misconduct. However, the language and attitude surrounding this topic and how it is taught in K-12 and higher education is shifting to a ‘Yes means Yes’ model, according to the National Education Association (NEA). NeaToday’s article, “Affirmative Consent: ‘Yes Means Yes’ in Sex on Campus” discussed laws and strides in promoting a consent culture that isn’t just looking for a verbal no but in fact a combination of verbal and nonverbal consents as much as possible. A lighthearted and informative video by a British sexual violence prevention group, #Consentiseverything, popularized the idea of making and drinking tea as an affirmative consent metaphor.

Here at Life University, we consistently offer resources and events to promote a safe campus, such as the annual Consent Carnival, a free event for students featuring music, games, door prizes and food. The Title IX office partners with the Office of Diversity, Equity & Inclusion, Student Affairs, Student Engagement, Academic Affairs, Athletic Department, Counseling Services and LiveSafe resources to provide it, in addition to year-round support.