Many of us live our lives on autopilot, without much thought to what we really want to cultivate in our lives. We may have set long-term goals, but in the short term, we are stuck, causing us to perhaps not meet those long-term goals. How can we change this pattern?

For starters, we can begin to think more purposefully by scheduling time for ourselves to really think about what we want out of this life and what truly makes us happy. The way to do this is to be truthful with ourselves and not try to be something or someone we are not.

Many of us are people pleasers, putting others first and not finding that energy or reception in return that we unconsciously expect, only to be disappointed in the end because we never receive what we are truly looking for.

This may sound like a daunting task, but it really is not. So, let’s break this down into simple steps that we can take to build up our self-confidence and truly find our authentic selves.

According to Psychology Today, several simple steps can help us get to know ourselves authentically. These strategies are designed to help us express our authentic self.

Step 1: Gather Information

Move away from your ideas about what you should or shouldn’t like. Use your five senses to explore your gut reactions, much like a small child who instinctively gravitates toward what attracts them and ignores or moves away from what doesn’t.

 

Exercise 1: Smell

Go to a shop that sells essential oils. Start with oils containing only one main ingredient, like rose oil or grapefruit, which makes it easier to tell the scents apart. Sniff the samples one at a time with your eyes closed and separate them into three groups:

  • Love the scent
  • So-so
  • Unpleasant

Look at the scents in each group and see what they have in common. Is any particular scent group your favorite? Do you instinctively dislike or feel indifferent to others?

If you can’t find essential oils, go to a fragrance counter in a department store and smell categories of scents like floral, citrus, musky or earthy. Perform the same exercise as with the essential oils.

 

Exercise 2: Visual

Another way to understand our authentic selves is through visual stimuli. Some colors will make us feel happier than others. We are instinctively drawn to our happy colors and repelled by ones we dislike.

Buy a pack of colored construction paper in all the shades of the rainbow. Every morning, go through the pack slowly and notice your reactions. Choose the color you are most drawn to today and place it somewhere you’ll see it during the day. Notice your reaction to it throughout the day and see if you can find that color elsewhere. Record your reactions in your journal.

Other things to note at the end of each week:

  • Did you pick the same or similar colors each day?
  • What colors do you instinctively avoid?
  • Did you learn anything new about yourself?

A more advanced level of this exercise involves going to a paint store and looking at the paper paint color samples. Quickly choose:

  • Three colors you love
  • Three so-so’s
  • Three you dislike

Write about the colors you chose and what it felt like to be able to choose anything you liked without real-world consequences.

 

Exercise 3: Touch

Only you know what type of touch you enjoy. If you’ve ever been frustrated by someone massaging you too softly or too roughly, you’ll understand this. Here are two touch exercises to explore.

Self-Massage Exercise

Pick an area of your body and massage it as hard or soft as you like. Try different techniques and notice what feels good to you right now.

Texture Exercise

Assemble an assortment of things with different surface textures. Close your eyes and feel each item slowly, paying attention to your reactions. Record your reactions in your journal.

Now that you have this information, what do you do with it? From this exercise, you know more about what you authentically like, so look around your home. Do you see your favorite colors, smells and textures represented there? If not, start adding them. Replace things you don’t like with things you enjoy. Minimize so-so items. Having a so-so can-opener can be practical, but you don’t want your whole life to be just so-so—practical without pleasure.

Many of us have lost touch with our real likes and dislikes. We’ve allowed ourselves to be overly influenced by others, advertising or current fashions. Reclaim your authentic self by allowing it to play and taking your reactions seriously. Surrounding yourself with things you authentically like will increase your happiness. If orange is your happy color and you love the scent of roses, add these elements to your life. Remember: Happiness is not haphazard! It’s something you can consciously create for yourself.

By taking the time to understand and embrace our authentic selves, we can live a more fulfilling and happier life. So why wait? Start your journey toward authenticity today and watch your happiness flourish.